Imagine telling a friend this story:
"There was something I wanted to tell you about what happened yesterday."
Your friend would probably think: Just tell me what happened.
Readers feel the same way. One of the easiest ways to weaken your writing is to delay the information readers actually care about. Instead of presenting the subject or action immediately, many writers begin with unnecessary words that force readers to wait for the point. The result is writing that feels slower than it needs to be.
What Does It Mean to Delay the Point?
A sentence delays the point when it hides the subject or action behind unnecessary introductory words. Consider this example from Rapunzel:
There was a tall tower standing at the edge of the forest.
The important information is the tower, butg readers don't encounter it until the fifth word. Now compare it to this version:
A tall tower stood at the edge of the forest.
The subject appears immediately. The sentence reaches the point faster and creates a stronger mental image.
Readers Want the Important Information First
Readers naturally look for two things as they begin a sentence:
- Who or what is this about?
- What is happening?
When those answers appear quickly, reading feels effortless, but when writers postpone them, readers have to work harder. Now consider these two examples:
It became obvious that Rapunzel was trapped.
Rapunzel was trapped.
Readers don't need to be told that something "became obvious." Once they read the sentence, it's already obvious. So, once you remove it, the second example communicates the same idea with fewer words and greater impact.
Extra Words Create Extra Work
Writers often believe they're making a sentence smoother or adding variety by adding introductory phrases. In reality, they're asking readers to process information that contributes very little. Compare these examples:
There was a long braid hanging from the tower window.
Rapunzel's long braid hung from the tower window.
Or:
It was the witch who guarded the tower.
The witch guarded the tower.
Both revisions reach the important information sooner, and the meaning stays the same.
Readers Don't Need a Warm-Up
Many delayed sentences begin with phrases that contribute almost nothing. When you're writing, watch for openings such as:
- There was...
- There were...
- It was...
- It became...
- It turned out...
- There seemed to be...
These phrases often act like a long runway before the sentence finally takes off. Instead of easing readers into the idea, they simply postpone it.
Delay Can Hide the Action
Sometimes the subject isn't delayed, the action is, as shown in the example below:
Rapunzel made the decision to climb down the braid.
The real action is climbing, so here's a cleaner version:
Rapunzel climbed down the braid.
The sentence becomes more direct because the action is no longer buried beneath unnecessary wording.
A Quick Editing Exercise
Open one chapter of your manuscript and read only the first five words of each sentence. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do I already know what this sentence is about?
- Have I reached the subject yet?
- Could I move the important information closer to the beginning?
You may discover that many of your strongest revisions come from rearranging words rather than rewriting entire sentences.
When Delaying the Point Works
Like every writing guideline, there are exceptions. Sometimes delaying information creates suspense. For example:
Behind the tower stood something Rapunzel had never seen before.
The sentence intentionally withholds information because the mystery is part of the experience. If you're delaying the point for dramatic effect, readers benefit. If you're delaying it out of habit, readers simply wait longer than necessary to understand the sentence.
Strong Writing Gets There Sooner
Readers appreciate writing that respects their attention, but that doesn't mean every sentence must be short or abrupt. It means every sentence should deliver its most important information as efficiently as possible. The next time you revise, look at the beginning of your sentences. If readers have to wait to discover what the sentence is really about, consider moving the point closer to the front. Clear writing doesn't make readers hunt for meaning, it puts the meaning exactly where readers expect to find it.