daughters

Remember Holidays with Your Mother?

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Dr. Martha talks about holidays with family throughout her life in Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers.

The word Lent has multiple meanings, and somehow it came to mean the forty days before Easter Sunday beginning on Ash Wednesday. One explanation is that the 40 days represent the 40 days and 40 nights that Jesus Christ spent fasting in the desert. There was also this tradition—the only word I can think to describe it because it wasn’t a rule—of giving up something for Lent. It was supposed to be a sacrifice: an offering from me to God in exchange for blessings or grace. We Catholics always wanted more grace. I seem to have some vague memory that having enough grace was a way to cancel out the bad stuff and save one from Hell. Another possibility was that our giving up something may have been because Christ fasted for 40 days and 40 nights, and therefore you could give up one thing for 40 days. The sacrifice was in giving up something that you value. You don’t give up spinach or finishing homework. Kids would give up candy or soda or maybe watching their favorite TV show during Lent. These days, I suppose kids could give up using electronics. As my children got older, I suggested that rather than giving up something—which usually was pretty silly anyway—that they would give something. They could volunteer somewhere or give away the things that they no longer needed or wanted. It made more sense to me to help the community.

Interesting, over the years, how much of the religion has been removed from the major Catholic holidays. At least for us “ambiguous Catholics.” I still put up a manger scene at Christmas and have given all my grandchildren some form of manger or birth of Christ storybook at one time or another. But for Easter, it’s been all about the fun of egg dyeing and Easter baskets. My bad. I’m not alone in this though. Easter parades, Easter eggs, Easter candy, all the fun stuff have been around since the 1700s. Here’s a little-known factoid about Easter candy that I’ve learned over the years while teaching Chinese medicine in Turkey. It turns out that jellybeans, some say, have their origin all the way back to a Biblical version of Turkish Delight.

Dr. Martha Shares How Motherhood Has Changed Over the Last 50+ Years

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In Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers, Dr. Martha discusses 4 generations of motherhood.

But I wish they had lived longer. I have bunches of patients who are my age and whose parents are alive, or at least one is alive. I envy that. I tell people that my parents died young because I do think that 76 and 77 are young. Too young to be dead. I have a four-generation picture of my mother’s mother, my mother, me, and my daughter Audrey. I had always imagined that I would be in another four-generation picture. It would be my mother, me, one of my children, and their child—my grandchild. But Mom didn’t make it long enough for that to happen. My hope is to still have a four-generation picture. This one will be of me, my child, their child, and my grandchild’s child. Yep, planning to be a great-grandmother!

Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers is the Perfect Mother’s Day Gift

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Mother's Day is fast approaching. Have you thought about what you'll get Mom or Grandma this year? If they grew up Catholic during the 60s and 70s, they will love Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers, a walk down a memory lane of baptism, naming ceremonies, confession, confirmation, marriage, divorce, and much much more.

Dr. Lucas candidly recounts memories of her Catholic daughter's childhood: beginning with her parents choosing which saint to name her after and continuing through her Catholic grade school education, taught by nuns, the founders of America’s parochial schools. Experience the strict discipline and rules of a system where independent thinking was discouraged. Everything was forbidden, everyone was a sinner, and every action put students at risk for “going to hell.”

Girls formed lady-like identities regulated first by school uniforms, then by the cult of the Virgin Mary, and last by the ceremonies that parishioners were forced to endure over and over again. Parents and elders were to be obeyed and respected, their wishes anticipated, while children were expected to accept punishment out of the fear of God. After all, obedience was a gift from the Holy Spirit. 

The journey continues into adulthood with Dr. Lucas’s willingness to question authority, grapple with her own identity, and slide into becoming what she lovingly calls an “ambiguous” Catholic. She offers a visceral account of Catholic guilt, desire, piety, anger, and the superstitions that shaped the Catholic upbringing. For some, this still permeates their lives as adults. 

Who were Catholic Daughters? Why did these young women work so hard to fit into the Catholic mold, even to the extent of making up sins? And what kinds of sins did you make up when you were a kid just so you’d have something to say to the priest in the confessional booth? This provocative question at the end of the “Confession” chapter is just one that is at the core of Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers. 

This book and its guided journal questions emerged from Dr. Lucas’s experiences and desire to help others discover their truth and speak it out loud. Buy this journal now and begin an exploration of yourself and your inner beliefs. You’ll reconstruct the traces of your Catholic mother-daughter nexus, remember your personal accomplishments, get a better understanding of your embodied self, and reflect on important life lessons. By completing the journal exercises,  you can discover your own truth and live more authentically, even if you aren’t a Catholic Daughter of a Catholic Mother.

The Fun Parts of Motherhood: Naming Babies and More

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Dr. Martha Lucas has an interesting story about how she was named. This and much more from her on being a baby in her Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers book about life as a Catholic woman in the 60s, 70, and beyond.

They named me after Saint Martha, the patron saint of housewives, servants, and cooks. Catholics turn to her when dealing with chronic stress and doubt. Martha was a worker, keeping everybody fed and dressed in clean clothes, while her sister Mary had chosen “the good portion.” What’s meant by this old saying is that Mary was concerned with more spiritual things. She was the sister who spent countless hours conversing with Jesus almost to the exclusion of practical and domestic matters that were more suitable burdens for Martha.

During my birth, my mother suffered through a very long and hard labor—I obviously didn’t want to come out. A priest even gave her the last rites. My mother and father decided that if she lived and the child lived, and it was a girl, the child would be named Martha. A boy would be named John Jr., which was already a given. Well, it was me… Martha Lucas. It’s the name they gave me and the name I’ve kept. Admittedly, I’ve changed it due to marriage even though the man to whom I am married now has the opinion, “why would you take my name? I don’t own you. You are not my property.”

Dr. Martha Shares the Challenges of Being a Single, College Student, Working Mom Ready to Date

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Being a single working mom attending college is hard enough. Find out what happened to Dr. Martha when she was also ready to date.

Twenty somethings date. So I did. In my mind, I can’t apologize or punish myself enough for not being at home with my children every minute that I wasn’t at work or in school. Did you say Catholic guilt? Oh, I’m an expert at that. I was guilty then and I’m still guilty. I will never make it up to them for their worse than average childhood, but I keep trying. More fodder for therapy.

Some ten years after I got divorced, I met my current husband. I told my parents that I had had my first marriage annulled, so it was “okay” in the eyes of God for me to get married again. What a bunch of bull. And here’s one more crazy, bullshit thing. My husband and I slept in separate rooms while my parents were in town for our wedding. We pretended we were practicing celibacy for my parents. We were lying. One might say we did that so my parents wouldn’t be uncomfortable with us sleeping in the same bed in their presence. Or, you could say that I still wanted my parents to love me, to accept me, to think I was a good person. I was still trying to be someone they could be proud of.

As an adult, did you lie to your parents about your non-Catholic behavior?

The Complications of Mother Daughter Relationships

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Dr. Martha talks about shaming women about their appearance, a thing that seems timeless. Did your mother preach modesty or let you choose what you wore? Here's an excerpt from Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers and one of Dr. Martha's experiences on the topic from when she was growing up.

Modesty and shame. Strangely, I think they go together or at least have gone together in my life. My mother’s focus on modesty created a body image problem that still haunts me to this day. I can never be thin enough. Thank God that never translated into an eating disorder. It’s just a daily worry about being fat: criticizing my body, wondering if I can weigh less, and distressing about ballooning into a fat blimp in a flash. One day I have a waist and the next I’m 100 pounds overweight. Kind of like what I said about my mother previously, having a waist after she had my youngest brother and then, before my eyes, she was fat. That’s what I have told myself for more than 50 years. Intellectually, I know she didn’t become overweight overnight, but the story I’ve told myself is exactly that. It happened in the blink of an eye. And so, I believe it can happen to me. The scale will just keep going up, and I won’t be able to stop it. I must be vigilant. I was 10 years old when mom had a waist. After that, all I remember is the overweight body. The body hidden in tent dresses.

There’s a sense of shame in all things body related. But it’s more than just shameful if I wear too short a skirt, or too low-cut a blouse, or too sexy a dress, or no bra in public. The not wearing a bra thing. You know why that will never happen, me being in public without a bra? Because when I was about 16 years old in the days of burning bras, I went to work one day without a bra. It just so happened that Mom came to the mall that day, saw me without a bra on, and made me ask my boss for a break so I could go buy a bra. Yep. That was her response. Not “Martha! Don’t ever go out again without wearing a bra. And by the way, you’re grounded for a week.” Nope. It’s always black or white… good or bad. She made me buy a bra and put it on before I went back to work. And I still think about that episode of our life together. God, I hope I never made my girls feel that way, embarrassed and terrible about not wearing a piece of underwear. And the why of it. Why do I have to wear a bra? Because men, disgusting men, will see me as a sex object? Will going braless make me want to have sex? Are nipples a body part to be hidden? Will people think I’m a slut? Mom never explained why all those thoughts are in my mind when I don’t wear a bra. God forbid our handyman should show up one day when I’m casual at home without a bra on. What would he think? “That’s ridiculous,” my intellectual brain says, but my rat brain says, “Don’t do it.”

How did your mother talk to you about your body if she talked to you about it all?

An Interview with Dr. Martha Lucas, Author of the Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers Memoir

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Dr. Martha Lucas holds a Ph.D. in Research Psychology as well as a degree in Chinese Medicine. She has more than 20 years of teaching and speaking experience. While Lucas loves practicing Chinese medicine and writing, her absolute favorite role in life is that of grandmother.

In Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers, Dr. Lucas candidly recounts memories of her Catholic daughter's childhood. The book beginning with her parents choosing which saint to name her after and continuing through her Catholic grade school education, taught by nuns, the founders of America’s parochial schools. This memoir portrays strict discipline and rules of a system where independent thinking was discouraged. Everything was forbidden, everyone was a sinner, and every bad action could result in “going to Hell.”

Dr. Martha Lucas holding Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers

How would you describe yourself and your life in seven words?

I love my family and my work.

Besides being a writer, what other types of jobs and careers have you held?

My careers have included Practitioner of Chinese medicine, Research Psychologist, Professor, Administrative Assistant, and even a waitress at Krispy Kreme.

I'm particularly proud of my Pulse Diagnosis Biofeedback and Balancing course that I teach worldwide. And my course that focuses on treating fertility challenges in men and women, which was born while treating one of my daughters who has an autoimmune condition.

How did you juggle life, learning, and career with motherhood while your children were growing up?

Probably not very well when my children were young, and I was a single mother working part-time and pursuing my Ph.D. I am blessed that all of my children are fine and they have good lives, but they do remember (and like to remind me) about living what they called “the ghetto life” of being home alone while I worked or was at school.

Maybe this is why I am so committed to being available to my grandchildren. While I love practicing Chinese medicine and writing, my absolute favorite role in life is that of grandmother. I adores my grandchildren and spends as much time as I can with them.

How did the idea for your book come to you?

Over the years, just thinking about being a Catholic daughter has shaped my life. In my adulthood, I started to question church authority while grappling with my own identity. I found myself becoming what I call an “ambiguous” Catholic. It influenced me to help other women move through the emotional issues that religious influences during childhood can create.

What was your favorite scene or section to write?

I really enjoyed writing the chapter on Confession, mainly because it seems so ludicrous--almost funny if it wasn’t so wrong and sad--to have 7-year-olds feeling like they have to make up sins in order to please the priest in their confessions. What 7-year-old has sin?

Catholic Daughters of Catholic Mothers A memoir and Guided Journal paperback book with books2read.com/catholicdaughtersjournal link to buy.

This book also has a guided journal, the questions based on my experiences and desires to help others discover their truth. It allows readers to explore their Catholic mother-daughter ties and reflect on important life lessons. And the questions will help anyone, even if they aren’t a Catholic daughter of a Catholic mother.

What other projects are you working on that you would like to tell us about?

I’m writing an anti-aging guide book about how to age as well as possible. I'm also writing a book about feeling the unconditional love of a grandchild and the sadness that happens when they grow up and that unconditional love seems to go away.

I teach Chinese Medicine courses worldwide including a Mei Zen Cosmetic Acupuncture System for face and neck, which is one of the best ways to keep our skin looking younger. In order to enhance the aging process even further, I have created My Zen Skin Care, a natural skin care line that uses Chinese herbs and essential oils with active cosmeceuticals to benefit your skin.

Thanks to Dr. Lucas for taking the time to tell us about herself. Use the links below to learn more about her life and career.

CONNECT WITH DR. LUCAS

books2read.com/catholicdaughtersjournal (Where to Purchase Book)
acupuncturewoman.com | myzenskincare.com | lucasteachings.com
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